Random hopelessness

I'm meant to be working, I meant to be busy, but I find myself once again with that bubbling anger building up inside me. I hate that I have so little control over  my feelings, over my emotions, I'm meant to be getting better, when will that actually start though? I've been on meds for weeks now, but I don't feel the slightest bit different, the only thing that helped somewhat was the sleeping meds, but the anti-depressants don't seem to be doing much of anything. My life's just this crappy cycle of nothingness for most of the time. I wake up and I have to force myself to get out of bed every morning, I help the kids get ready for school, then, until the kids come back from school I mostly sit around lacking the motivation to go anywhere or do anything. It's the same day in, day out, I need to change my life but I don't have the motivation or inclination to change it, I'm at a point where I see that work don't need me, and my children, so long as they have their dad, also don't seem to need me. I feel like I'm just a burden to everyone, a miserable grump who's dragging my family down with my misery. They don't deserve to suffer, I shouldn't drag them down with me, but I don't know what else to do. Every day I think about taking the only way out that I can see available and every day I'm forced to dismiss the idea because I simply refuse to be the person who left their children that way. Every day I think about hurting myself because sometimes it feels like people will only understand physical wounds rather than the mental ones which I seem to suffering from. Every day I fight the urges to hurt myself in some way but then in doing so I only seem to feel more and more guilt instead because I'm making everyone around me suffer as a result of my moods and my feelings. I feel like no one will ever understand me and it's simply pointless me even trying to get them to understand. Life in general right now feels pretty pointless. I'm so angry with myself for letting this get the better of me. I don't know how much longer I can carry on the facade. I don't know where to find the will to live and the ability to fight my demons. Sometimes it just seems like it would be better to let them take me instead of trying to fight it any more.