I don't think I've ever even just liked myself, I've never felt like a good person, I've always felt like a horrible, ugly, selfish, miserable person. And I'm sat here, crying, writing this, because I don't know how to change, I don't even know if I can change?
I've always hated who I am, never feeling good enough or worthy, and I keep getting told that I've GOT to change but it terrifies me because I honestly don't know if I can, or how to even start trying, or where to start trying.
Every now and then a tiny glimpse appears, and I think to myself that I'm doing ok, I might like that person, and as quickly as she appears, she vanishes again. Swallowed up and consumed by self loathing and pity, that huge black hole inside of me, the one that shows me how unworthy I am, how selfish and hateful I am. I kind of wish that I could change, but I honestly think I may never be able to, I simply cannot find one single thing to love, or even to like. I really do think I'm going to need a huge amount of help with this one, and I'm not entirely sure where to find that. X
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